Rants

Being okay with failing self/others

  • May 3, 2016
Being okay with failing self/others

One thing that continually resurfaces in my mental life is the aspect of the human condition that requires us to perform regular maintenance on our minds. We may have positive beliefs or even feel at a given point that we are extremely centred. I love those moments. I love those moments of feeling like everything is in sync. Inevitably though, things happen and we can fall out of that state of being in tune with oneself. Despite our awareness of the importance of being positive, negativity can sneak it its way in without us even being aware that it is happening. Maybe it’s a work environment,...

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At the end of the tunnel.

  • October 12, 2015

It’s been an interesting 14 months and easily the most mentally/emotionally challenging time of my life. I found myself kicked down a few rungs on the hierarchy of needs. In plain English, poor/impulsive financial decisions, led to a situation where shelter and food on the table became the top focus out of necessity. It’s not a situation I expected to be in at 26, but at 27 in reflection on the past year I realize that counter-intuitively it was a gift. I would not have gone all-in at my place of employment and have been able to reap the rewards of a developed skillset had my back not been...

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Transition

  • November 16, 2014

It is interesting reconciling my outspoken nature with a day job in a corporate sales environment. Don’t get me wrong. I love sales, and I love the overlap that all the confidence and motivation that I develop in the workplace directly translates into my ability to deliver my own brand of emotional musical expression. It’s just… interesting. Different. The past few years I have been hopping between Austria and western Canada and now I find myself residing in the city of my birth, Toronto, for the past 4 months and its weird being in one place. I think in someway my sense of security was tied...

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The “Human Soup” and its varied response to drugs.

  • October 13, 2014

I think I need to do this follow up post to my recent break-up letter to weed. (http://smoothsailingmusic.com/open-letter-to-weed/) Obviously it was in the spirit of humor that I wrote it but there is one line in there that I wrote for humour value that if taken literally actually fundamentally opposes my philosophy on responsible drug use. I think referencing the line is a good launching point for the following rant. “Its not you it’s m—- no its actually most definitely you.” Again, totally there for the humor value, which I don’t take back, but the underlying attitude of placing...

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Open letter to Weed.

  • October 7, 2014

Dear weed, Our relationship has been tumultuous. When you are in my life it is difficult to want to do much else other than spend lots of time with you, and consume 3 times my daily recommended caloric intake in 40 minutes. I know some people who seem not only readily able to manage their relationship with you but actually become stimulated and can engage in their daily life. Sigh. If only we had such a dynamic. Between the 3 second memory span, and the halving of my IQ, it really is difficult to keep up with my personal affairs. Music and you are the ultimate combination. Truly when the three...

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Acceptance (A few more thoughts)

  • September 28, 2014

This could be titled acceptance part two. The first post is here ->>>> http://smoothsailingmusic.com/acceptanceanddrugs/ There are sides of ourselves that we don’t necessarily like. Or certain behaviors that when we examine, we don’t want to admit that we are capable of them… it’s a one off, made a mistake. One of the ways that lack of acceptance can create so many problems is by judging oneself for the ideas of bad or selfish choices popping up in one’s head to begin with. “How could I think of that?” “What kind of person am I?” And interestingly enough these...

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Unplugging

  • August 30, 2014

I just watched waking life again. I first watched it in 2009-2010 I think. That movie is amazing for jostling one out of the “zombie autopilot” that can just turn on once life gets busier. I found it a lot easier to be reflective and inquiring in terms of the nature of this existence when I was in university but with the reality of the OSAP loan knocking on the door, it has been harder to keep a perspective. With my own subjective experience of debt, I honestly think that there is nothing in the modern world that enslaves us more than debt. Perhaps there is something suboptimal about...

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Acceptance and Drugs.

  • August 28, 2014

This is a tricky one. I first really realized I had a problem with self-acceptance and self-judgement in 2011. At the core of many problems that can present themselves in the human psyche is a reluctance to accept, or pointed and deliberate rejection of reality, whether it be the reality of ourselves or our environment past/present. I had a friend tell me the other day that I need to read less and write more. I've been so focused on information intake that I have severely cut back on output. The thing is, the things I really want to talk about require demanding a vulnerability of myself that...

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First Isolation Tank Experience

  • May 21, 2014

Just got back and feel extremely relaxed. Centered is more so the word. It has been difficult to unwind while moving around on the road for work. Truth be told I’ve been on the go and in a different place every two weeks minimum since I got back from Austria on Feb 24th. The moving around, coupled with a tendency to slip into obsessive workaholism that was conditioned by my previous place of employment which regarded and conditioned the workers to regard leisure time as unnecessary, has had me perpetually wound up. I immediately see the isolation tank being part of my life for the designated...

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Social media thoughts

  • March 20, 2014

This raises some very very interesting points. I think all of us have at some point fallen into the narcissistic image crafting that the facebook platform enables. We aren't generally exposing our flaws and inadequacies aside from our own needs for attention/validation a lot of the time. Even with its potential for abuse and dependency, I personally love social media. I find being able to share interesting posts from the massive massive data store that the internet is, and reading content posts from other people, to be massively enriching and enjoyable. I think that when humility is applied...

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