One thing that continually resurfaces in my mental life is the aspect of the human condition that requires us to perform regular maintenance on our minds. We may have positive beliefs or even feel at a given point that we are extremely centred. I love those moments. I love those moments of feeling like everything is in sync. Inevitably though, things happen and we can fall out of that state of being in tune with oneself. Despite our awareness of the importance of being positive, negativity can sneak it its way in without us even being aware that it is happening. Maybe it’s a work environment, maybe it’s a relationship with a friend or significant other, thoughts/patterns can sneak into our minds and plant themselves.
Something that I think characterizes my internal journey and a lot of resulting negative/self-destructive behaviours was/is a tendency to kick oneself when you are down. I’m not a sports/athletic guy, in fact I was a bookworm and lived in my head most of the time especially when I was younger. I think this idea that I “should” know better comes from me feeling that the mental game is my arena and how did I let myself get beat. But what that less than optimal way of thinking does is not let you accept yourself and acknowledge that we all have our moments of failing. All us of fuck up in someway or another, but you aren’t going to get back on course by beating yourself up for being off course in the first place. The way out is through. Through the pain of seeing what you have done to others/self. Acceptance of the consequences, humble acknowledgement of your fallibility, and a course correction.
It’s okay to fail. It’s okay. Get back on the horse.